


Dorky and the Dragon

by CushiKitten



Series: Dorky and the Dragon [1]
Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Genre: Does this count as bestiality?, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:59:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CushiKitten/pseuds/CushiKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Tale as old as time, and true as it can be. Both a little scared, neither one prepared… You know where this is going. Beauty and the Beast with a twist. Eventual slash, mature themes, I guess. It becomes Porn with Plot later on. You were warned.</p><p>*Update* I'm in the process of moving to a new user name (MulaSaWala), so no more updates here. You can find me at MulaSaWala.tumblr.com and I have an account here on AO3 as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Legend of The Night Fury

_Once upon a time, in a far away land, where gods lived and breathed as mortals do, there lived a god named Loki and a god Baldur. One night, Baldur dreamed. In his dream, he saw his death, and in his fear, he made all beings on earth swear to never harm him. All, except the mistletoe._

_Loki, a trickster god full of mischief, tricked the blind god Hoor into killing Baldur, his brother. All gods wept at the loss Baldur, who gave love and happiness to all. In his anger, Thor threw his hammer Mjollnir to the ground, just as Hel opened her gates to let out a flood of tears._

_Mjollnir struck a stone submerged in Hel's tears, before returning to the hand of Thor. The stone turned into an egg that hatched into a child. Loki found this child, and raised him as his own. He named this child_ Night Fury, the unholy offspring of lightning and death. 

_The child grew to become a prince, who lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, he was spoiled, selfish, and unkind._

_One night, an old beggar woman came to the castle, offering him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at her gift, and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be fooled by appearances, for beauty was found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away, to reveal the goddess Frigg, wife of Odin the Almighty and mother of Baldur. She had planned to take the life of Loki's child in return for her child, but could not do it. Instead, she had devised a test, an homage to her son Baldur, who had been light and beauty and love and happiness. But this child of Loki's had failed, and must now pay the price._

_The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a beast, and placed a powerful spell on his castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the prince concealed himself in his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world._

_The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year. If he could love another, and earn love in return, by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time._

_As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast?_


	2. Ingerman Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have a glimpse of Burk, Hiccup, and Fishlegs.

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third was tired of Burk. Every single day was exactly like the one before it, and if it wasn't, it made you wish it was. Burk was the kind of place where you were never dry, where it snowed nine months of the year, and hailed the other three. It was great if you liked looking at dramatic landscapes, but if you'd lived there all you life like Hiccup did, the place lost its drama pretty fast. 

But it wasn't the landscape that Hiccup had trouble with. The landscape was just fine. He was used to it, after all, He'd been _born_ here. No, what Hiccup really wanted to get away from were the people of Burk. Like, right now. 

Every single day, since Hiccup could remember, he'd woken up at the crack of dawn to visit his best friend, Fishlegs, who minded the town bookshop while his parents were away, which was always. Thinking about it, Hiccup was surprised that Burk had a library, but since it occupied him, he guessed it didn't really matter. 

So, since he went to the bookstore every day, you'd think the people of Burk would get used to that, but no. As he walked down the street, past that single bread-making Viking who made horrible bread ( _He_ could do better than that!) and made the same thing every day, he could still hear them whispering behind his back. 

"…there goes that Hiccup.." 

"…poor Stoick…" 

"…I still can't believe it, he looks so _normal_ …" 

Hiccup _hated_ being born in Burk. Everyone knew everyone, which meant anyone who was anyone knew his secret, his shame. He ducked his head as he passed a couple of young bucks eyeing him wearily. 

"…freak…" 

He felt his face heat up as he passed, and as he walked slipped into the Ingerman Bookstore. 

' _There's got to be more to life than more of this…'_

"Good Morning, Fishlegs." 

"Good Morning, Hiccup." 

Meet Fishlegs Ingerman, Hiccup's best friend. Fishlegs was the only one in Burk who could give Hiccup a run for his money in the reading department. Fishlegs was tall, and he used to be thinner than Hiccup, but the years of immobility spent reading were catching up to him, apparently, because Hiccup would eat his own hat if Fishlegs could still touch his toes. 

"Here's that book I borrowed." 

Fishlegs held his hand up absentmindedly (and in the wrong direction) for the book. He pushed his glasses up with his other hand as he kept on reading. 

"Took you long enough." Fishlegs said, without any real irritation in his voice. He looked at the number of the page he was on before getting up to return Hiccup's book to its rightful place. Books were about the only thing Fishlegs could keep in any kind of order. Hiccup had to gingerly hop between the loose odds and ends in the Ingerman Bookstore before he could get to the shelf he was aiming for. 

"Hey, Fishlegs, I'm going to take The Dragon Manual, okay? I'll bring it back in a week." Hiccup called out, hopping to the door. 

"A week!? How could you take a whole week to finish one book?!" Fishlegs wanted to know. 

"I read it more than once, you blockhead." Hiccup laughed. 

"More than once!?" Fishlegs was shocked. Well, he tried to act shocked, but Hiccup could hear the joking tone in his voice. 

"Yeah, Fishlegs. Some people _savor_ reading a book. We don't hork it all down the way you do." 

"You're just jealous I can read faster than you can." Fishlegs said smugly. 

Hiccup reached the door. _'Finally'_ he thought. _'Maybe I'll help Fishlegs (or rather, make him help me) clean the shop up a little when I get back.'_

"I'll be back later," Hiccup called over his shoulder as he left. "I just need to run some errands for my dad." 

"Tell him and Gobber I said Hi" Fishlegs replied. 

"Will do!" and Hiccup was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be honest, are they too out of character? I'm trying to make it a mixture of the book series and the two movies, and I'm not sure I'm succeeding. Also, are the lyric shout-outs noticeable?
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated!


	3. You're Positively Feudal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the rest of the gang.

As he left the store, Hiccup visibly retreated into himself. He put his nose in the book to avoid prying eyes. As he walked to Gobber the Belch's Blacksmith shop, he deftly avoided obstacles in a way that would have made even Astrid, the town's best, proud. It was a saying in Burk, that Hiccup was never more coordinated and careful than when he wasn't paying attention. 

**Thwok!**

An arrow shot past Hiccup, burying itself into the wood he'd just passed, barely missing him. And while Hiccup didn't notice, the person who shot the arrow did. 

"Hiccup!" yelled Snotlout. 

And miracle of miracles, Hiccup looked up! He looked around and caught sight of Snotlout, looking genuinely pleased (if a bit uncomfortable) to see him. Hiccup closed the book he was reading (one of the best compliments he could give) and turned to talk to his cousin. Who was positively livid. 

"Hiccup!" he cried. 

' _Oh, great,'_ Hiccup wanted to rub his face with his hands, _'Now_ everyone _'s looking'_. Not that they weren't looking before, but this was worse. Now they actually had something to _look_ at. But Snotlout wasn't done yet. 

"Look at the arrow behind you! I could have _killed_ you!" Snotlout shook Hiccup by the shoulders, which made Hiccup drop his book right into the mud. Hiccup sighed. He turned around to look the arrow and humor Snotlout… 

… and nearly poked his eye out on the arrow's nock. Even Hiccup was a bit taken aback. It was _close_. Snotlout reached over Hiccup's shoulder to snap the shaft (presumably so no one would get poked by the protruding arrow), but Hiccup stopped him. 

"Don't. It'll be easier to remove the head if the shaft's still attached to it." 

"Right." 

Hiccup looked around. The people around them suddenly sprang back to life, as if they'd never stopped working to gawk in the first place. 

' _Fakers,'_ Hiccup thought crossly. He picked his book up, and started walking again. As he expected, Snotlout fell into step beside him. Hiccup opened the book again, only to have it snatched away by Tuffnut, who held it above his head. Hiccup was Not Amused. 

"Give me back my book, Tuffnut." Tuffnut ignored him. 

"How can you read this?" Tuffnut asked. He threw the book over to Ruffnut. 

"Yeah," Ruffnut agreed. She scrutinized the pages (as much as she could while keeping the book out of Hiccup's reach) "It doesn't have any pictures or _anything_." 

"Some people use their imaginations," Hiccup snorted. He made a particularly brilliant leap, and Ruffnut had to pass the book on to Astrid. Hiccup didn't even try to get it back from her. She could kill him with her pinky finger and had no problem showing him. She skimmed the pages then shut the book. 

"This book is just about dragons." She sneered. "It's useless. Dragons are pests. Our _real_ problems are the Meathead and Bog Burglar Tribes." 

She threw the book to Snotlout, who (after being mysteriously useless for the past few minutes) handed it back to Hiccup. Astrid left, with Ruffnut and Tuffnut in tow for some training, leaving Hiccup and Snotlout alone. 

"You should keep better control of your friends," Hiccup said, dusting off the book's cover. 

"I can't really, you know, _control_ them." Snotlout scratched the back of his neck. "But they've got a point. You should focus on more important things, like training to become stronger, so that you can lead the tribe when the time comes." 

"Me, lead?" Hiccup laughed. 

"You _are_ the chief's only son. We can't exactly pick anyone else." 

" _You_ do it. You're my cousin, you're as much the heir of the Hairy Hooligans as I am." 

Snotlout looked aghast. "We can't do that. This isn't _The Republic of Rome_! And I was adopted, remember? Not a drop of royal blood." 

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "How positively feudal of you, Snotlout." He said. 

"Thank you," Snotlout replied. "Of course," He said sneakily "If we got married, our problems would be solved. I could rule through marriage and you can have as much free time as you want under _my_ protection." 

Hiccup stiffened. While men marrying men weren't uncommon in Burk (not enough women), Hiccup, in particular, refused to marry _anyone_. Because marriages in Burk just _had_ to be consummated. People knowing about his…defect was completely different from someone actually _seeing_ it. He shook his head. 

"You know I can't, Snotlout. We're _friends_." 

"Ah well," Snoutlout said lightly, "can't blame me for trying!" 

Snoutlout watched as Hiccup practically ran off, with a mumbled goodbye, face once again in a book. Snotlout started walking towards the training grounds as soon as Hiccup was well and truly out of sight. 

When he got there, the others were well into training, throwing axes and punches at each other. They just sort of tolerated Hiccup, because they didn't know yet what a great chief Hiccup would make. 

To be honest, Snotlout wanted to become the chief of the Hairy Hooligans too. But ever since the day Hiccup had saved his life, he'd _known_ that Hiccup had something that would make him a better leader, and a good Viking always put the good of the tribe before anything else. If he married Hiccup and became chief himself , Hiccup wouldn't be able to resist meddling in his decisions (because they were married, and Snotlout's father said that all wives meddled), effectively becoming chief in everything but name. 

Snotlout smiled and yelled as he dived into the 'training' (read: fight). He'd have to settle for being second-in-command, then! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has got to be the most out of character Snotlout ever. I was going to make him an exact copy of Gaston, but then…it just sort of turned into this. I was writing this at 2 in the morning, and I had class tomorrow. Is it that bad?
> 
> Anyway, Toothless will be along in the next chapter. As always, feedback is appreciated!


	4. Bye Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stoick and Gobber in the house, yo.

Hiccup arrived at his house just as Stoick finished packing his things. Hiccup was surprised. Were they going on a hunting trip? Stoick turned to greet his son. 

"Ah, Hiccup, just in time! Did you get those extra arrows from Gobber for me?" He asked. 

Hiccup resisted the urge to slap his palms to his face. He _knew_ he was forgetting something. Stupid Snotlout, distracting him like that. 

"Sorry, Dad," Hiccup apologized. "I guess I forgot." He looked at his shoes. 

Stoick gave him a strange look for a moment, so quick Hiccup was sure he imagined it, before giving a big laugh that sounded fake and forced even to Hiccup. 

"That's okay, Hiccup" He said "You'll remember next time." He gave Hiccup a pat on the head. 

"I'm going dragon hunting, okay? Be careful while I'm gone." Stoick said as he was leaving. Hiccup couldn't take it anymore. 

"Uh, Dad!" Hiccup winced at his own voice. That was loud. Okay. Deep breaths. "Maybe I could, I don't know, go with you?" He gave a half-hearted smile. 

"Uh…you see…um," Stoick fumbled for the right words. He couldn't find them, so he just said. 

"Maybe next time, Hiccup." And he left. Hiccup wondered why that answer still disappointed him. 

_**PAGEBREAK**_

"What am I going to do with him, Gobber?" Stoick took another swig of his beer. 

"Hiccup? That's easy; let him train with the others. We need more warriors to fight those Meatheads." Gobber replied. 

"I'm serious." 

"So am I!" 

"Are you kidding? He'd be killed by the other children, never mind letting those Meatheads taking a whack at him." 

"You don't know that." 

"Yes, I do." 

"No, you don't." 

"Yes, I do!" Stoick sighed. "He has the… he was born different, I guess." 

"How do you know that?" Gobber wanted to know. "You weren't there. You just found him in the cabbage patch, remember?" Gobber chuckled. That would never get old. 

"You know how he is," Stoick was dead serious. "I take him on a fishing trip, and he nearly drowns looking for mermaids. He's just not reliable," Stoick tapped his temple with a finger. "Has the attention span of a sparrow." 

"When he was just a baby," Stoick started. (Gobber rolled his eyes. _'Here we go…'_ ) 

"When Hiccup was just a baby, Me and Valhallarama, we didn't know what to do. We decided to raise, well, a _him_ , but he seems so unhappy. Maybe that was a mistake. " 

"Now, don't say that." Gobber said. "It's like I told him just a little while ago, it's not what's outside that counts. I mean, take a look at that little girl Astrid. _She_ could wipe the floor with any of the young lads her age." 

"So, Hiccup's weak _on the inside_?" Stoick sounded more hopeless than ever. 

"I didn't say that." Gobber sighed. "You've just never given him a chance, Stoick. He was sickly as a baby, so you protected him, I get that. But you have to let him do things on his own. Which is to say, _stop bailing him out of his own messes_. And let him at least train with a real sword, for Odin's sake" 

Gobber took another sip of his beer, and choked on a small rock. They were silent for a while. Stoick because he was thinking, Gobber because he was choking. 

"Maybe you're right." Stoick said as he pounded on Gobber's back. "You know, he always wants to go dragon hunting with me." 

Gobber finally caught his breath. "You see? He may not want to fight the Bog Burglars, but he'll keep them dragons away." 

"Tell him to meet me by the inland lake west of Raven's Peak in two days." Stoick smiled. "We're going dragon hunting." 

_**PAGEBREAK**_

"Augh, I don't _believe_ this." Hiccup ranted to himself. This was the worst day ever. 

He walked through town for the second time that day, feeling foolish. How could he have forgotten to get his father's arrows? He was nearly shot by one this morning! He had his eyes set determinedly forward as he marched on to Gobber's blacksmith shop. He was there on most days, helping sharpen swords and fix broken shields. But winter was coming, so business had been slow. During winters, he only went there every other day, more to keep warm and experiment than anything. 

' _This is exactly why he still treats me like a little kid.'_ Hiccup thought sullenly. 

Hiccup remembered a time when Stoick got angry at him for messing up. Nowadays, he didn't even bother. His dad treated him with this strange mixture of acting like he was waiting for Hiccup to fall short, but never being disappointed in him. That hurt. Hiccup briefly wondered what it would be like if his father actually had dreams for him, expected more from him than failure. Hiccup wondered if it was because he'd been born different. 

He smiled a little and slowed down as he remembered the story his mother and father used to tell him every night before… well, Before. 

_Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a cat, who could turn into a boar or a mare as she wished. But what she really wanted was to turn into a goat, for she was in love with a goat, who could run faster than the wind itself. But she could never tell the goat she loved him, for she lived in the clouds above, while he lived on the earth below._

_The goat, she didn't know, loved her as well. But he could never tell her, for he was just a goat, and she deserved more._

_At night he would wish on the stars,_

' _Please, please,' he'd say, 'I'd do anything for her, for she is my life and I love her. If I could speak to her just once, I would go to my grave content.'_

_The others who lived in the clouds heard his plea. So they stole her shoe, and dropped it to the earth, where the goat would find it. When she found her shoe was gone, she descended to earth to look for it._

' _Where is my shoe?' she cried. The goat came forward, and said._

' _Here is your shoe.' And he returned it._

_He saw that she was the cat whom he loved, and she saw that he was the goat she loved._

' _It is you!' they said. And they knew that it was fate that had brought them together. They made love, and had a child._

"And do you know who that child is?" Hiccup's parents would ask. 

""It's me!" He would reply. 

' _The story doesn't make any sense.'_ Hiccup thought, now that he was much too old for fairytales. 

The boy arrived at Gobber's blacksmith shop, surprised. He hadn't noticed how he'd walked all the way there. 

"Hiccup!" Gobber said, surprised. "I was just about to come get you!" 

"You were?" Hiccup was curious. 

"Your father," Gobber said "Wants to take you dragon hunting the day after tomorrow." 

"That's not funny." Hiccup drawled, Not Amused. "Seriously, did you need my help or something? Does someone want a new sword for their wall?" Designing and making weapons for display was one of the things Hiccup was very good at. 

"I'm _not_ kidding!" Gobber said, exasperated. "Why does everyone think I'm kidding all the time?" He wanted to know. 

"You're _serious?_ " Hiccup was stunned. A great big smile started to spread across his face. "That—that's _Awesome!_ " 

' _Finally, he's giving me a chance!'_ Hiccup thought jubilantly. 

"Bye, Gobber, I've got to get ready!" He said hurriedly as he left the shop. _'This is the Best Day Ever!'_

"Hey!" Gobber called out. "He also said not to forget the arrows this time!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I made a first draft, but I decided Hiccup was too angsty, so I scrapped the entire thing and started from scratch.
> 
> The story's kind of taking a life on its own. And I didn't think mythology would play such a big part of it, but there you go. Those of you more familiar with Norse and Greek gods will probably see what's coming. I'm trying to drop as many hints as possible without spelling it out, so no one's blindsided.
> 
> To those of you wondering where Toothless is , I'm sorry it's taking so long. He's probably going to appear in the chapter after the next, but I'm not making any promises.
> 
> Oh, and the Green Death doesn't exist here so the dragons don't really "raid" the vikings, so they're more pests than anything. The same way wolves or bears must be pests in, like, Russia or something. Or coyotes in Australia.
> 
> Also, there are a few sidefics to this series, some stories that didn't make it to the main story. I had fun writing them and hopefully you'll have fun reading them. 
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading!


	5. Training Wreck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup isn't prepared.

For the rest of the day, Hiccup was in father-acceptance induced heaven. He drifted in and out of the Ingermans' bookshop and Gobber's blacksmith shop, collecting things he might need, asking questions about anything hunting–related he could think of, and generally annoying the heck out of both Gobber and Fishlegs. 

"For the last time, Hiccup," Fishlegs would say exasperatedly, " _No_ , there aren't any books about hunting dragons _besides_ the ones you already have." 

"Are you sure?" Hiccup would ask, only half paying attention. 

" _Yes_ , I'm sure. Go bother Gobber for a while." Fishlegs would wave him away. And he would go to Gobber, who would say pretty much the same thing, only about weapons that could slay dragons. 

They spent most of the rest of the day like that, But Gobber and Fishlegs didn't mind, really. They were mostly happy to see Hiccup so excited. They weren't the only ones, however. 

Spitelout, Snotlout's father, was an ambitious man, and unscrupulous, but not necessarily in that order. He was Stoick the Vast's younger brother, though you wouldn't know it from looking at him. Whereas Stoick had red hair and a full beard, Spitelout had black hair and a (mostly) shaven face. Where Stoick was, well, _vast_ , Spitelout was lean and muscled, though they were pretty much the same height. But Most Importantly, while Stoick's eyes were kind and smiling, Spitelout's were unfathomable and just a little cruel. 

Spitelout had always been jealous of Stoick for becoming chief of the tribe, though over the years, he'd learned to hide it well. But he wasn't hiding it very well right now. The cogs and gears in his head turned as he saw Hiccup making his way back and forth across town. He knew that Hiccup was going to the inland lake west of Raven's Peak the day after tomorrow (Gobber didn't know how to keep his mouth shut). If he had an accident on the way there… 

Spitelout thought about it, but no. If Stoick lost his heir, a substitute wouldn't necessarily have to be in the family. It would have to be the most promising child of the same generation. And, regretfully, that wasn't his son. It was that girl, Astral or something. Spitelout shuddered at the thought of a woman leading the Hairy Hooligans. Only the Bog Burglar barbarians did that. 

' _But if I get my son married to that Hiccup, then he'd be Stoick's son-in-law, technically making him an heir too!'_

And just like that, Spitelout decided he'd marry his son to that Hiccup, and then maybe afterwards he'd kill him. 

Spitelout left the pub and headed towards the part of the forest he knew his son and his friends used as a training area. There was a formal one in Burk, but it was mainly used by young men who had time on their hands and veterans who wanted to stay in shape, not fifteen year olds who didn't know their swords from their shields. 

When he entered the clearing, the Thorston twins were wrestling on the ground, pretty evenly matched. His own son was barely holding his own with that girl Astral in a swordfight. 

' _Well, not really my son,'_ Spitelout tried to make himself feel better as Snotlout received a particularly hard hit on the head with a wood-covered sword. Snotlout had been left on his doorstep years ago when he was just a baby. It was a sign from the gods. He was being given a perfectly healthy baby boy while his brother got, well, Hiccup. He thought that made it perfectly clear who the chief should have been, but no. He never got anything he wanted. He had to take everything for himself. And he would too, eventually. 

"Thanks for waiting dad." Snotlout jogged up to his father. He had seen him there a few minutes ago, and had tried to finish the fight as quickly as he could, but Astrid hadn't wanted to let him go until she did the Berserker's Bash right. Which, you can imagine, took some time. 

Spitelout looked down at his son. Right. "Come with me." He started walking. 

Snotlout ran back to get his things, said goodbye to his friends, and caught up to his dad. 

"What's up?" Snotlout asked, trying to sound casual. His father wasn't the warmest person in the world, and didn't exactly seek him out to ask how his day was. 

"Son," Spitelout began. "How do you feel about that Hiccup?" 

Spitelout thought his son did a great job concealing his thoughts. He was so proud! 

"He's okay, I guess. He should totally work out more if he wants to match these babies." Snotlout flexed his arm, showing off his muscles. 

Spitelout resisted the urge to roll his eyes. _'Patience'_ He told himself. _'He's still just a child.'_

"You see, I overheard back in town that he's going out to Raven's Peak to go hunt dragons." Spitelout explained. Snotlout's expression, which he really couldn't hide this time, told the man where to go from there. 

"He's, well, he's not strong, son, at least not like you." He made a 'worried' face. "I'm just concerned that, well, he might get hurt trying to impress his father." 

"Stoick," he continued, "He's not a bad father, son, I don't want you thinking that. I just think he's trying to make Hiccup into something he's not, and I think that's dangerous." Spitelout was delighted with his son's reaction. Perfect. 

"Dad!" He was clearly upset about it. "We've got to do something, he could get seriously mauled, even by just a Terror! If he—" 

"Calm down," Spitelout told his son, "See, it's a horrible state of affairs, right? So I got to thinking, and here's my idea. Marry Hiccup." 

Snotlout tripped. "But he— and I— We don't—We're—" He sputtered. "That doesn't solve anything!" He finally got out. 

"Hear me out," cajoled Spitelout. "To my thinking, here's what would happen. If you marry that Hiccup, you have an excuse to protect him as much as you want. And since you're both technically heirs, between the two of you, no one would be able to take away the chieftainship." 

"I don't know, dad." Snotlout replied, unsure. "I don't think that's a great plan. It could work, maybe, if he—" 

"It's decided then!" Spitelout pretended not hear. "I'll arrange the wedding feast, you go propose." 

Spitelout broke away and headed to Burk's town square. Snotlout was surprised to find that they had walked all the way to the chief's house. Maybe he could _talk_ Hiccup into not going hunting for dragons. He approached the dwelling gingerly, almost sneakily, but he might as well not have bothered. The house was empty. All he could find were Hiccup's woefully over packed bags. He removed some of the least necessary things (like books), and put in some of the more necessary things (like firestones and his extra dagger). 

' _Odin's beard, the dragons are going to have a field day with him._ ' He thought. His father's plan, it was stupid, but letting Hiccup go would be pure _madness_. He left, thinking things over very carefully indeed. 

Unbeknownst to Spitelout, if he'd thought to check the clearing behind the house, he'd have found Hiccup training with Gobber and Fishlegs. Both had finally gotten fed up with the boy, and decided that Hiccup was going to annoy them anyway, he might as well have some bruises to show for it. Well, that was Gobber, anyway. Fishlegs just wanted to go back to the store and read. Or look for the others and hang out. Anything would have been better than watching Hiccup struggle with the sword. 

"Put your back into it!" bellowed Gobber from his perch on a large rock. Hiccup swung the sword, but even Fishlegs could repel that attack, and he did, with ease. 

"This isn't working! Let's try something else." Fishlegs insisted. 

"No! I can do this!" Hiccup was adamant. But, remember, this was the first time he'd ever held a sword to use it, not just to sharpen it, or to put designs on it, or to make one from scratch. 

"Hiccup, it's hopeless. Let's try something else." Said Gobber a few minutes later, after Fishlegs knocked the sword out of Hiccup's hands for the umpteenth time. Fishlegs sighed with relief while Hiccup sighed with disappointment. 

Gobber held up a bow and a quiver of arrows. "Let's try these." He threw them to Hiccup, who caught the bow, but not the quiver. Arrows went everywhere. As Hiccup and Fishlegs bent to collect them, Gobber called out ("Fishlegs!") and threw him a shield that had a bull's-eye painted clumsily on its surface. Fishlegs paled. 

"You can't be serious!" He sounded panicked, starting to edge away from Hiccup until the entire clearing separated them 

"Oh, but I am. Go for it, Hiccup!" Gobber looked positively evil. 

"Come on, Fishlegs!" Hiccup pleaded, already nocking an arrow into his bow. At least he was taking the proper stance, arms at eye level and legs braced a shoulder's width apart. 

"I've done _this_ before—" and Hiccup released the arrow. The good news was that the arrow flew straight enough, certainly straighter than Gobber or Fishlegs thought it would. The bad news was that it fell short, burying itself at Fishlegs' feet. 

"That's not fair! There must be something wrong with this bow's draw-weight! Gobber, what kind of wood is this? It looks kind of like yew, but—" 

"Hiccup!" Gobber interrupted. "That is not the problem! If the target is far away, you…?" Gobber gestured to Fishlegs, who was still trying to hide behind a shield that was nowhere near large enough. 

"Oh." Understanding dawned on Hiccup. _Moving_ target practice. "Right. Get ready Fishlegs!" He nocked another arrow. 

"Odin help me, aim, Hiccup, _aim!_ " 

"Maybe I would if you'd stop _moving_ —!" 

"BWAHAHAHA—" Gobber chocked on his amusement. 

And they spent the rest of the morning like that. For almost an hour, Hiccup ran after (and shot arrows at) his friend, who ran away just as fast, while Gobber laughed his head off. 

"Hey, no fair!" Ruffnut's voice suddenly rang through the clearing. "I didn't know Gobber was giving training sessions!" 

"Who cares?" Tuffnut's voice followed predictably. "It's not like _I_ need training, anyway. I'm _already_ the best this place's got— " 

Tuffnut flicked his hair. Astrid disagreed with him by catching hold of his fingers and bending them back. Tuffnut fell over; Ruffnnut laughed. 

"No you're not." 

"Ow, I am hurt, I am hurt _very_ _bad!_ " 

"So," Astrid looked at Hiccup "Can we join you, or is this a private training session?" 

(After Snotlout had left, the three of them couldn't decide how to train, so they had gone looking for Fishlegs to make the teams at least even.) 

Hiccup and Fishlegs looked at each other. Training with Astrid, not to mention the twins, did not Sound Like Fun. At least, not if you didn't enjoy pain. 

Of course, Gobber had to say "Sure! In fact, we'd welcome you! Hiccup's about to go off slaying dragons, so we need all the help we can get!" 

The three newcomers were silent for a moment. While it wasn't as important as fighting the other tribes, the death rate for dragon slayers was much higher. 

"Finally, man, some _balls_. I was beginning to doubt you _had_ —" Tuffnut didn't get to finish his sentence. Ruffnut elbowed him in the stomach while Astrid stomped on his foot. 

"Let's go!" Astrid said, overly enthusiastic. "What do we do first?" 

"Well," Gobber rubbed his chin with his remaining hand. "I think we can pretty much agree his sword fighting's hopeless." 

"Yeah." ("Hey!") 

"And his archery's as good as it's going to get for now…" 

"How about we work on evading capture?" Ruffnut suggested, evil glint in her eye. 

"That way, even if he can't kill the dragon, it can't kill him." Astrid added. 

"Good idea, Ruffnut!" Gobber agreed. "Hiccup, pay attention. They," Gobber pointed to the Astrid, Tuffnut, and Ruffnut. "Will be trying to kill you." 

("I'm not loving it so far." Hiccup said under his breath) 

"And you will try to not get killed while trying to take their weapons, which you'll give to Fishlegs here." 

Everyone looked at Fishlegs. He gave a small wave. 

"You three will not be allowed to take your weapons from Fishlegs, but, as always, Hiccup is fair game. If he manages to take one weapon from all of you and give them to Fishlegs, he wins." 

' _Yeah, right, like that would ever happen.'_ Four minds thought privately. (That was everyone except Hiccup himself and Fishlegs, who was always trying to have more confidence in his friend.) 

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go!" Gobber barked. 

Hiccup stood nervously as the three of them began to surround him. 

"Well, don't just stand there Hiccup! Do _something_!" Fishlegs hollered, trying to be encouraging. 

"I'm _thinking_!" Hiccup hollered right back. The three of them were getting closer… 

Suddenly, as if by a secret signal, they all ran at him! Hiccup didn't know which way to turn, unable to decide who he was most afraid of, and so ended up buried under three struggling bodies. 

"I've got him!" 

"That's me, you idiot!" 

"With the two of you _get off!_ " 

Hiccup wiggled out from under the pile, holding Ruffnut's dagger as he ran full speed towards Fishlegs. 

"Go Hiccup!" Cheered Fishlegs. Unfortunately, that made Hiccup's pursuers realize that _'Hey, he's not here anymore!'._

They untangled themselves, but it was too late. Four shocked faces Hiccup threw the dagger to Fishlegs, who caught it triumphantly. 

"Whoo! Go Hiccup!" He cheered again. 

Gobber had an astonished smile on his face. "Well done, Hiccup! There may be hope for you yet!" 

But Hiccup wasn't feeling very hopeful. The three of them surrounded him again, but this time with a different strategy. Ruffnut jumped at him first, being the smallest risk since Hiccup had already taken a weapon from her. She caught him in a bear hug, and laughed as Hiccup struggled to get loose. 

"You should be thankful, Hiccup! Guys would _kill_ to be in your—" 

Hiccup reached up and grabbed one horn of her helmet, pulling it over her eyes. She immediately let go to fix it, and Hiccup ran. He was free! 

But not for long, it seemed. Even as Astrid ran to help Ruffnut, Tuffnut ran at Hiccup, sword out held above his head. Hiccup's eyes widened. 

"Tuffnut, are you _insane_?" 

Hiccup turned around, but Ruffnut was free. She and Astrid ran at him. _'What to do, what to do…!'_ Hiccup thought, panicking. He made a decision. 

' _If Tuffnut isn't going to play fair, then…'_

Hiccup turned back around and ran right into Tuffnut. This disoriented the larger boy only for a second, but that was all Hiccup needed. Hiccup kneed him in the groin. _Hard._

Tuffnut tumbled to the ground. Hiccup himself winced in sympathy, and he could faintly hear Gobber's laughter from somewhere far, far away, but he was too full of adrenaline to pay attention. 

"Oh, Thor's—" Tuffnut made a gargling sound at the back of his throat. "Not fair! Not Fair! _Not Fair!_ " 

Hiccup picked up the sword from where Tuffnut had dropped it and ran to Fishlegs. 

"That's two!" Fishlegs was suitably awed. "I've got to say Hiccup, I'm impressed! I— Look out!" 

Astrid swung her axe at Hiccup, trying to scare him. Fishlegs ran out of the way while Hiccup backed up, dodging (even if Astrid wasn't _really_ going to hit him. Right?). 

Astrid was so busy swinging and making sure Hiccup could dodge what she threw at him that she didn't notice the tree behind him until she hit it. 

_Thunk!_

Her axe buried itself into the trunk of the tree. She struggled to pull it out and, after a moment, Hiccup joined her. Together they pulled it out. Astrid turned now to Hiccup to pull it out if his hands, but something tugged at her skirt, distracting her. 

Hiccup pulled the axe out of her hands. She saw a dagger pinning her to the tree. _'Sneaky.'_ She nodded approvingly as she pulled it out. 

"I've got it! _I've got it!_ " Hiccup yelled as he ran. 

"Hiccup, give me back my axe!" Astrid threw the dagger aside and gave chase. 

"Make me, you lunatic!" was his reply. 

It was the last round, Tuffnut was still down, and Hiccup had managed to get Astrid's axe. Ruffnut stopped laughing at her brother and joined Astrid. the two girls gave it everything they got. 

But if there was one thing to be said about Hiccup, he was great at running away. This way and that, he dodged. Not even Astrid could keep him in a hold. He wriggled out of both their hands like a slippery eel. 

"What are you, part eel!" Astrid cried angrily, getting frustrated that _Hiccup_ of all people could escape her so consistently. "You're cheating!" 

"Am not!" Hiccup was getting close to Fishlegs, the two girls hot on his heels. 

Finally, Ruffnut managed to catch him by the scruff of his vest just as Hiccup threw Astrid's axe to Fishlegs. It didn't make it. 

"Aha!" Ruffnut yelled. But, in a manner that reminded them all of a snake-type dragon unhinging its jaws, Hiccup drew back his arms and _slid_ out of his vest, not even losing his momentum. He picked up the sword and threw it again, just as the two girls tackled him from behind. 

It landed right between Fishlegs' feet. 

"Odin's beard," Fishlegs picked up Astrid's axe almost reverently. "Hiccup wins." He whispered. 

"Hiccup wins!" Gobber yelled, overjoyed as well. _'Wait until I tell Stoick..!'_

Hiccup, who was at this point too tired to wriggle out from under Astrid and Ruffnut, didn't hear. He was pleasantly surprised that the girls helped him up after getting off him, but was astonished when they put him up on their shoulders. His face colored and he tried to get down, but the girls were having none of it. 

"You did it, Hiccup!" Astrid cried. Although she technically hated to lose, this was a victory for all them, somehow. 

"Way to go!" Ruffnut cheered, raising her free arm to shake her fist in the air. "That was _great!_ " She said. "I can't believe we haven't done that before!" 

Hiccup looked behind him and saw Gobber, Fishlegs, and Tuffnut marching behind them. Even from his perch, Hiccup could see that Tuffnut was walking funny. 

All the way down to Burk's only pub, they made their way, like a demented parade. When they got there, they proceeded to drink until they couldn't anymore, talking about battle strategies, dragons, and what have you. Hiccup brought Tuffnut a drink as an apology, to which Tuffnut replied, "Are you kidding? You're kick didn't hurt, I just wanted to give you a chance was all.", but he accepted it anyway, because who turned down a drink? 

It was the first time Hiccup had hung out with the three of them without Snotlout there to act as a buffer. He had a blast. When it was getting late and everyone was heading home, Hiccup was still smiling. Even as he fell into bed, boots and aches and pains and all, (And he'd have to remember to go out back to get his stuff tomorrow), he was still smiling. 

' _Definitely the best day ever.'_ He yawned. _'Can't wait for tomorrow.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I posted this late, and I'm sorry to everyone. I had trouble with this chapter. Mostly because of the length, which is actually enough for three, maybe four, of my usual chapters. To head off some questions, Hiccup's not particularly bent on hunting dragons, actually. Think of it as football. Stoick enjoys football, so to gain approval, Hiccup starts memorizing how many passes got fumbled by his dad's favorite team last season, or something else totally obscure about the sport.
> 
> Please don't hesitate to ask questions, which I actually enjoy answering. As always, much love to the people who read, and hugs to those who give feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost from FF.


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